the weight of words

Not all words weigh the same. It’s a linguistic truth that deserves some thought.

Some words flow out quick and vaporize, leaving no lasting residue. They are traded back and forth in rapid succession with little value beyond their immediate purpose.

Some fall like stones in a pool, sending ripples out to the far edges. Others fly with lasting injury while some are a gift of life and healing.

No, not all words weigh the same. Heavier words bear the weight of a power we must respect. They can either damage or anchor, hit like a punch or lift from the pit.

As for me and my mouth, the ability to weigh words before speaking is a skill that needs my constant attention. Have you ever been in conversation with someone particularly skilled at this? They are usually the ones listening more. They don’t respond the second you finish a sentence. And they rarely have to apologize for saying something too quickly.

Those who weigh their words are comfortable with wait time. Pauses are their superpower. I’m envious of those that do this well.

This ability to speak with thoughtful measurement struck me recently while listening to a beautiful interview with Eugene Peterson, pastor and author of The Message.  During the conversation with Krista Tippett, host of On Being, he shared a few thoughts about language and listening saying:

“We cannot be too careful about the words we use. We start out using them and they end up using us.”

Indeed. This podcast is totally worth your time just to hear the respectful, intentional manner these two converse. You’ll feel like you’ve received a therapy session for free. Plus, I dare you not to grow a grandfatherly crush on Mr. Peterson as I have. He stands out as a wise voice in a world filled with mind-numbing chatter.

Why does it matter that we weigh our words as SLPs?

Our job requires us to talk and talk and talk all day in our workplaces. It can be easy to take for granted that which is overly familiar. We are used to directing a lot of traffic with our mouths, so it would probably do us good to slow down and consider some situations when a more measured word might be wise. Here are three simple categories that would benefit from “weighty wait time”.

1. ANYTHING we say about clients or students. As we get to know those we work with, we must be mindful of the words we say TO them and ABOUT them to colleagues or parents. The way we speak about those we help carries profound influence. Our words have the power to affect lives and we should remember to hold them as a tender responsibility.
2. ANYTHING we say about colleagues – above, beside or below us. Weighed words intentionally communicate respect and kindness.  They affect the hearer and reflect on the speaker. My mother used to sing a little ditty when I was young, “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing.” Easier sung than done.
3. ANYTHING we say about ourselves. This may seem strange, but the internal stream of words flowing in the background is weighted the heaviest. Pauses are needed even in the conversations we have with ourselves. When we feel our thoughts spiraling into a negative or self-defeating mindset, a deep breath and a few well chosen, gently whispered words might carry the power to change the course of a day.

Let’s be communication ambassadors, using careful words so that they don’t start using us.

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